How to Get Quick Results at the Pharmacy (and how not to)

It's the easiest thing in the world; dial the pharmacy number. Follow the prompts. If you get a live person, state your name and date of birth, and THEN state your business.

We don't need to have your story, however near and dear it is to your heart. We don't need to know. It isn't going to make our service to you easier or faster, and it will definitely impact the service we are trying to give to the people who are standing in front of me waiting for their prescriptions to be filled.

Here's my usual call. "Hi- I got a call from you saying I have a prescription ready. What medication is it?"
My usual response; "Well, why don't you tell me who you are, so I can look it up for you?"
"Why can't they just tell me over the phone when they fill my prescriptions?"
"Because there is a law in place that says for confidentiality purposes, we cannot state your name or the name of the drug. It's an automated call, so it's not a real person, just a notifier voice mail. Why don't you tell me who you are, so I can look it up for you?"
"Well, I wish it would just tell me, I don't like not knowing what medication it filled. What if I don't need that one?"
Me: (thinking to self 'I wish I could retire...') "Why don't you tell me who you are, so I can look it up for you?"
"I mean last time I had too much of one medication because my doctor gave me some samples, but I came in and you had that one ready and I didn't want it but I had to pay for it anyway.."
Me (gritting teeth in background as the line at the register gets longer) "Why don't you tell me who you are, so I can look it up for you? I'd be happy to look it up, but I need to know who I am talking to!"

What galls me is that they will go on and on and on with their thoughts and feelings about how the World of Pharmacy works, but won't give me the basic information I need to answer their question- such as WHO THE HELL AM I TALKING TO?

At this point, I usually chirp "Hold on for a moment- I need to be at a computer to look this up for you!", place 'em on hold for five minutes while I check a few more prescriptions. Being on hold in pharmacy limbo usually makes 'em a bit more forthcoming with information that lets me do my job.